The Happy Man
Once upon a time there was a king who loved his son very much. The prince had everything he could possibly desire: a whole closet of ermine capes, scepters in every color of the rainbow, sumptuous food imported at great expense from far away for every meal.
But still, the prince was not happy. In fact, he was so unhappy that he refused to ride any of the giant horses in his full stable. He was so unhappy that he would not court any of the beautiful, smart, strong princesses who desired him. He was so unhappy that he hadn't put on an ermine cape in months. And worst of all, he wouldn't eat any sumptuous food. He had lost a great deal of weight and was starting to look extremrly sickly.
So the king called in the best doctor in the kingdom and asked her to examine the prince. The doctor examined the prince. She took his royal pulse and cupped his royal balls while asking him to cough. When she was done, she nervously approached the king.
"What is wrong with my son?" asked the king.
"I can find nothing wrong with the prince," the doctor said.
"How can this be?" said the king, "You see that he will not eat. He is no longer interested in his horses or even in his sports cars."
"I know," said the doctor. "But there is nothing medicine can do for him. He is simply unhappy. What the prince needs is not a doctor, but a wise man or woman."
The king agreed.
So the king called in the best wise man in the kingdom. The wise man sat with the prince for a whole afternoon, which was exceedingly boring as all the prince did these days was to stare into space, sometimes picking little bits of lint off his sweatpants. When the wise man left the prince, he was at a total loss, so he nervously approached the king.
"What is wrong with my son?" asked the king.
"He is unhappy," replied the wise man.
"Well, yes, I've gathered as much," said the king. "I'm paying you for wise, you know, not for obvious."
"Yes, mmm-hmmm," said the wise man.
"Well, what can be done to make my son happy?" asked the king.
"Have you tried sports cars?"
"We have. No dice."
"Shit. Well," said the wise man, "there is one solution."
"Tell me, tell me!"
"The prince should exchange shirts with the happiest man in the kingdom."
"Who is this happy man?"
"I do not know," said the wise man, "but when you find him, if he gives his shirt to the prince, your son will be cured."
"Uh-huh," said the king. But it got him thinking.
So the king called the best hunters and tracker in the kingdom to him. And he sent them out into the kingdom to hunt for the happiest man alive. He equipped them with provisions for a month and the best silk shirt from the prince's wardrobe. He told them not to come back until they had the shirt of the happy man.
The hunters and trackers traveled for many miles and met many people, some of whom were happy, though many were unhappy to one degree or another.
Once, near a stream, they found a happy man.
"Are you happy?" the hunters asked the man.
"Oh yes," cried the man, who was playing a bagpipe and watching the fish in the stream.
"Would a million dollars make you more happy?" the hunters asked.
"Of course," said the happy man, "with a million dollars I could buy a better instrument and some fishing poles."
"Ah," said the hunters, "then you are not the happiest man alive. The happiest man alive would want for nothing. And they kept hunting.
Once, in the woods, they found a happy man.
"Are you happy?" the hunters asked the man.
"Oh yes," cried the man, who was playing banjo and watching birds in the trees.
"Would a million dollars make you more happy?" the hunters asked.
"Of course," said the happy man, "with a million dollars I could buy a better instruments and some bacon to go with all the eggs I eat."
"Ah," said the hunters, "then you are not the happiest man alive. The happiest man alive would want for nothing." And they kept hunting.
Once, in a city, the found a happy man.
"Are you happy?" the hunters asked the man.
"Oh yes," cried the man, who was playing an acordion and watching trains go by.
"Would a million dollars make you more happy?" the hunters asked.
"No, I don't think so," said the happy man. "Why would I want money? I have all the food and family and friends that I need. I rent a nice little apartment that I pay for with tips from my acordion music. I like the acordion, and it's plenty warm in this kingdom. Keep your money, thanks."
"Ah-hah!" the hunters yelled! "This is truly the happiest man alive!" And they rummaged in their supplies to find the prince's nice silk shirt.
"Can we just have your shirt?" the hunters asked.
But the happy man laughed at them.
They saw their mistake. The happy man was not wearing a shirt.